A Letter to Help You Love Better

Have you ever wanted to do something for someone but didn’t know what you could do that would really make their day? Sometimes life gets so busy that we don’t even have time to think about what would make us happy and so knowing what would make someone else happy is an even bigger mystery.

Life is precious and none of us know how long we have on this Earth or how long we have to enjoy the people God has placed in our lives to love.

So learning to make their day needs to be a high priority. Otherwise, your time could be filled with urgent things and the important things like “loving others well” will get put off another day. I don’t want to be a procrastinator when it comes to loving others well. I’m always looking for things that make living this out easier, more practical, and something that is easy enough that I will actually do it instead of wishing I had the time to do it. I recently ran across one of those great ideas! And now I want to share it with you.

I heard about a pastor who had challenged the married couples in his church to write “I Know You Love Me When” letters to each other once a year as married couples.  The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that this letter can go beyond married couples. It is a great tool for:

  • parents and children,
  • best friends,
  • grandchildren/grandparents…
  • really any relationship where you desire to grow closer to someone!

Here’s how it works:

You give each other the assignment of writing an “I Know You Love Me When” letter to each other.  It can be paragraphs or bullet points. Long or short. Emailed or handwritten on fine stationary. The point is for each person to look back over your relationship and think about those moments when you really felt loved, valued, and appreciated. Think back to those warm-fuzzy moments that really made you smile and think specifically about what it was about those moments that made them special.

For example: One of your “moments” could have been during a romantic dinner somewhere. Don’t stop at writing “romantic dinner”. Was it the specific restaurant? Was it that he chose the restaurant and got the babysitter and you didn’t have to plan any of it? Was it the conversation you had? Think of the part that made it special and be clear about why it meant something to you.

A less romantic example in my own life is pretty funny actually but true. One of mine is “I know you love me when you take out the trash AND put a trash bag back in AND put the trash cans back where they go without me asking. I know you’ve made the extra effort when all of that happens. You know how frustrating it can be when I have Kenley Jane on my hip and I go to throw away a diaper and the trash can isn’t there or there’s no bag in it.  I know you’ve been extra thoughtful of me and I am reminded of how much you love me and our family when you take the time to do those last steps.”

So you see, your letter can have anything from romantic dinners to trash cans. It’s all about how they show their love for you and when you feel it most. It could be when they:

  • call just to check in
  • send a text during the day
  • write a note on the mirror with a dry erase marker
  • bring you your favorite candy just because
  • clean out your car
  • or  “butters” your toothbrush with toothpaste (as my neighbor & her husband will do for each other…so cute!)

Once you’ve given each other your letters, keep them in a safe place. This is to be used as a thank you when you need one, as a go-to resource when you want to bless your spouse or a loved one, an idea generator for birthdays, special occasions or just any day that you want to make them feel special in the future. Practically speaking, this is a time saver too because it lessens the time spent guessing how to communicate love to one another. It’s a great exercise for those of you who have a hard time saying what you want. Others can’t read our minds. We need to be clear in letting our loved ones know what we need and then learn to love others well by serving & blessing them in a way that impacts them most.

Leigh Ann Napier

I’m iBloom’s Content Creator who loves making our clients’ products & services irresistible to the people who need them. My job is to play with words and help clients tell their story in a way that impacts people, cures an ache, and explains clearly what they do. My favorite part of what I do is helping connect products with people! This allows our clients to make the income they need getting them that much closer to making their personal & professional dreams a reality.
About Leigh Ann Napier

I’m iBloom’s Content Creator who loves making our clients’ products & services irresistible to the people who need them. My job is to play with words and help clients tell their story in a way that impacts people, cures an ache, and explains clearly what they do. My favorite part of what I do is helping connect products with people! This allows our clients to make the income they need getting them that much closer to making their personal & professional dreams a reality.

Comments

  1. Lori Burrell says:

    Leigh Ann,
    I LOVE this blog post! In fact, I’m going to write 3 of these “I love you when” letters this week! Both of my daughters and a dear girlfriend will be here for Easter. I’m going to put them in their basket of goodies- I have a feeling this may be better than a chocolate bunny! 🙂

    • Lori Burrell says:

      Ok, I meant to say I’m going to write 3 letters of “I know you love me when”….

      • That’s great Lori! What a wonderful idea to put them in Easter Baskets. Be sure to ask them to write you a letter back so that you will know how to love them better as well. Can’t wait to hear what they think of your sweet letters!!!

  2. Oooo….I love this too!! Words on paper can be the most intimate words we “hear” from others. Things from our hearts come out there more clearly than from our mouths. Well…at least for me! So I am going to do this too. I’m starting a WORD doc today to start listing things that come to mind – it takes a while for me to pull up these remembrances!

    And Lori…i love that idea of putting these letters in a Easter basket! I will do that as well.

    Thanks!!!

    • Thanks Betsy! I agree that my thoughts are more organized on paper. My favorite part about getting a letter from someone I love is that I can go back to it over and over. Especially on those days when I need to hear reminders of how much they love me or on tough days. Glad you’re going to write some letters Betsy!

  3. Recently I asked God how can I show love to my family, especially those who have stopped communicating with me and others. This letter showed up but I didn’t completely read it. Today I was browsing the web and when done this letter popped up and I see why. I’m going to use this in my Christmas cards. I already planned to tell others what they mean in my life.

    • Thank you for taking time to comment Maria! I’m so glad this was encouraging to you. It reminded me that I have more of these letters to write. Praying that it opens the door to meaningful conversations and wonderful memories with those you love this Christmas and beyond.

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